DAY 15: Where I Am At In Life

DAY 15: Where I Am At In Life

Last Wednesday I decided to send in my two weeks resignation letter to leave my company. I have felt happier after doing so. The company I worked for was very unstable. They did not pay me correctly, they were changing my shifts without informing me, they were cutting my hours without informing me, they never communicated with me about what was going on with the clients, staff would constantly complain but remain in the company, they bosses were greedy with the money, they would gamble money away, they would overwork people, their was gossip and unprofessional behaviour from staff, they were putting staff and myself with very dangerous clients without backup and no matter how many emails you sent about all the problems that were going on, nothing would get done about them. It was just a drag working for the company. I was so happy to go through with my resignation letter.

Now that I am not working I do have to claim for the safety net that people in Australia are provided as job seekers. I am impatient to get out there working to help increase my income, but the experience I have had working for the company has made me realise that I need to be patient when looking for a job. The community care industry has a few companies that are unprofessional in some ways. I will be trying my best to stay away from those companies. If everything is done by the book, it is safer and it all works smoother. I want a company that remains professional and does everything by the book. The only companies I've heard does that is government. I cannot be too picky about where I work because government doesn't do intakes for workers all of the time. Mainly in January and mid-year. I also don't want to job hop. So, the main of what I will have to do is research and talk to people who work in the company. I enjoy talking to other support workers about their experiences. It is how I learn. 

it would probably only be for a year and so working in the community care industry. 

I've decided to take on a diploma in a different industry that I see really suits me. The diploma is exactly what my aligns to my degree. It is the same thing, however, if I complete the diploma then I'll be in the field a lot quicker. I've heard of organisations in this field that pay their workers good money. So, if I finish the diploma and enter into this other field... I'll be earning good money. I see the diploma and degree that aligns to what I'd be happy doing and the knowledge/information i'll be taking in as aligning to who I am as a person at the moment. It was a good choice overall. My main goal is to start my own organisation. I have had the chance through volunteering and through no want/desire of my own... to experience what it is like in various different band-aid solution organisations. In that time, I got to know how they operated, how everything was done, what people using these organisations go through/their struggles, drug addictions, stress, strain, money problems, mental health problems, lack of skills, etc. I've come to the realise that these organisations can provide opportunities to certain people to help them step up in life, but we can do so much more to assist/support. So, one thing that I will be working on is trying/attempting to create my own organisation. That the soul of it all. I guess the point of it is to give me something to do... and all these skills that I can develop along the way. That is the motive of it all. So, even if Ido not succeed I've gained from it. 

To be able to get to where I'd like to go I will have to change myself. I have not put in the strength that I know I have when it comes to changing. What prevents me is that I've consistently listened to my thoughts, emotions and feelings. I'd listent to them even if they would prevent me from doing things that would assist/support me in life. I know that they are not assisting/supporting me, but at times they're overpowering. I do realise that they're just emotions..... they're only there temporarily and I do not have to follow it. 

I've decided to give up on my addictions to social media and entertainment videos on YouTube. I am on a 30 day challenge to see if it settles me down and how my mind will be without these. I've let go of a lot. I am interested in making sure that I live out healthy habits. As I said paragraphs above, I have a unit that is very central to park and the city center. I used to complain about my unit.... until I had realised that I what I pay is very cheap for what I have. I started to look at my unit entirely different. I used to sleep in until 8:30 when not working.. I now wake up 6:30 to go for a walk in the local parks and say good morning to everybody I walk past. It is very fun to do that. I've decided to join jogging groups and start bring people with specific words that I see in them into my life. So, everything in my life is very good. It is all about changing me, applying new skills, and bringing new people into my life.

DAY 14: Face Feedback, Breathe Through Reactions, and Change

DAY 14: Face Feedback, Breathe Through Reaction, and Change

I successfully completed my practical driving test about two months ago. It has helped to have my license in the industry I work in. I work with disability and mental health clients. Before I had my license, I was using Ubers and/or public transport. The Ubers were out of my own pocket because the company I work for is not seeing/realising/understanding that clients should come first before their greedy ways. Thankfully, Ubers were always quite cheap. The problem I had with public transport is that some clients did not enjoy riding the bus or having to wait for it. Which is understandable considering their circumstances.  Now that I have a car of my own, I have greater responsibility too.

Part of the duties of a support worker is to fill out paperwork. We all do it to keep records of everything that goes on in our clients lives. The paperwork that is completed has to be taken to the office. We also have to collect money from the office for the clients. That task was left with me at the end of the week. I forgot to take the paperwork last week and made mistakes in documentation for distribution of money. I was in a rush that day.

When we have to take care of someone that is very dependent mentally and physically on support workers it can often be a process of having to multitask. Some tasks in the day will be cooking breakfast, remaining with the client while they eat, assisting with medication, keeping them entertained through conversations while they eat, assisting client with showering, putting used aids in the bin for dignity of client, assisting client to walk from room to room, assisting them to pick what they want to wear, assisting them to get dressed, whilst keeping them entertained as not to feel uncomfortable or have their mood switch into worry, or a state that sets them off into a break down, etc. Having to take them out for the day, deal with people starring and maintaining their confidence in public… there is so much that one has to be aware of when on shift with a client. It is easy to forget to read the communication book as it is not really an absolute requirement. So, I forgot to read the book that stated my documentation mistake.

It is very easy to make a mistake when having to focus on the client who is fully dependent on you for their mental and physical well-being. The problem is that we start reacting to our mistakes and that's where I am being a disservice to myself. Beating oneself up about a mistake that can be corrected is not best for all. What can be done is create a structure of what needs to be done when on shift with client. It helps remember everything without having to depend solely on memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about making an error/mistake with documentation and my colleagues having to pick me up on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my colleagues may think about me for forgetting to check communication book.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that staff communication is not needed as my job is to purely assist/support my client on that day

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that communication between fellow support workers is a great assistance/support because we can fill each other in with knowledge/information of various ways to work with the client, and what is happening in the household.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about some colleagues wanting to use a book instead of face-to-face communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I've done wrong for not reading the communication book when Person A and B could have communicated with me face-to-face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about making mistakes on the paperwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take feedback from colleagues personally rather than constructively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have various backchat about my mistakes that lead to emotions of discouragement, blame, annoyance and feeling not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bully myself for making a mistake on the paperwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear colleagues letting off emotional steam for making a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the way that my colleagues behave in emotional reactions or build-up emotional steam personally.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can simply focus on the words that the person is saying no matter what state they're in behaviour wise, or emotional possession wise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take colleagues body language and voice tone personally especially if it is louder than usual, and/or possessed with emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing colleagues after making a mistake to hear what they have to say about it.

DAY 13: Making Promises I Don't Have The Time Or Resources To Keep

DAY 13: Making Promises I Don't Have The Time Or Resources To Keep

Over Christmas I made a promise to Person A. It was to download songs of her favourite singers onto a USB stick. It was not a difficult task to do and I knew it would mean a great deal to Person A. What I seem to forget about when I make these types of promises is the little time that I have to invest in completing these tasks. The task is simple, but when one has priorities that come first, little tasks like these are put on hold. When the task is put on hold Person A has to wait. Some people in life do not have a lot to look forward to, so having to wait for something can really make them impatient because it can be the highlight of their week or day to have what they were promised. It can be manifested by consistent asking and consistent reminders. I know I have to work with Person A so I have to go out of my way to get it done. It is a mountain to climb in itself because my computer has stopped working recently and due to not having a car I'd have to use my own money to have transport to go to a place where there is a computer and in all of that I have to manage my other work related tasks. Having now climbed the mountain to keep a promise I made I realised it is best to not make promises without first considering if I have the time, resources, money, etc. It is best to do that so that I am not creating a situation that can effect rapport building, my financial situations, my time management and my job. So, being considerate of self and others before making promises. How that can be done is saying ''I'll check to see if I have the time and resources to do it''.. Instead of saying ''Yep, I can do that for you... not a problem''.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make promises that I do not have the time and resources to keep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make promises to Person A and other people without checking in with my own schedule and resources first hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at Person A for consistently reminding me about my promise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget reality when I say I can do something for someone else.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I come first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to do everything for everyone one else instead of considering what I need to do for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make promises that I cannot keep

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to say ''Yep I can do that'', to please the people I work with and make them happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too giving of the time and resources

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed about having to follow through with promises and losing money when I am suppose to be gaining.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed about not being able to keep promises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is selfish to be less giving and more considerate of my time and resources.

I commit myself to say that I'll have to check my schedule and the resources I have before saying I'll do this or I'll do that for them.

I commit myself to not make promises that I cannot keep or follow through with.

DAY 12: Jealousy Of The Favourites

DAY 12: Jealousy Of The Favourites

A support worker can assist/support in the choice/decision of how the day will go. We can come up with ideas for the client to consider how they will spend the day. It is usually in the best interest of the client and the support worker. It could be spending the day grocery shopping, participating in arts & craft, watching movies or TV, listening to music, cooking, etc. As a support worker out on the field working with the client, we have a bit more control over how the day will go, but the client has the final say. In each of the ideas made, how the client will behave, speak, and make choices does depend on a variety of factors.

One factor is who the support worker is. Some support workers have worked with a client for years. They have built a great rapport, gained their trust, know the ins and outs of their behaviour and therefore, have a great deal of influence on the client. I've mainly seen support workers use this influence for the benefit of the client. I see the great difference between who the client is with me in comparison to how the client is to/towards a very experienced support worker who has a great rapport with the client. I sometimes experience some jealousy come up to not being one of the favourites of my clients. What type of thoughts stem from jealousy ''what ways can I start being my clients favourite?'', ''How can I upstage the favourite support workers?'' and then it turns into a want/desire to please my client. Wanting/desiring to please and not make sure that it is assistive/supportive both is a sure way to lose respect for oneself and lose respect from the client as they will know that you're just out to please them. They will like you more, but in saying that, they will want you to please them more and if they're not pleased with you, then it will lead to reactions from the client that can consist of anger, annoyance, frustration, etc. because you're not pleasing them.

A support worker's job isn't to please the client. The job is to do what is best for all. This includes self and the client. Wanting/desiring to be a favourite is turning a non-competitive job into one of competition, jealousy, etc. Each support worker works differently with their clients. This is beneficial for the client because they get a variety of difference throughout the week. If all the support workers were the same and worked the same to the Tee, then the client would get no variety, no stimulation, no challenges, no ways of working with different support workers. We cannot always work to the Tee, all support workers are different in how we work to build our rapports with clients. This is a cool factor and really assists/supports the client. It's not about messing up their routines, it's about keeping their routines, but adding the difference of who we are to them in the best interests of our clients. There need not be any competition, or jealousy. What matters is what is best for all in the time we have with out clients because the end result is to make sure that our clients are well-looked after and have achieved the goals they've set for themselves on that very day. What we want to add of ourselves in that time depends on what we decide as support workers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be my client's favourite support worker

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that the main goal on every shift is to assist and support my client to the best of my abilities in a way that is beneficial for my client and I.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to please my client to be a favourite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to complete with my colleages to be the client's favourite support worker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of support workers who have built that trust and good rapport to have a great influence on the client.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect my clients to open up to and give me all their trust right away when that type of trust is developed over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect client's to be exactly the same as who they're with other support workers when every relationship that a client has with support workers will be different

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the difference for the clients is a cool factor because they get a variety and stimulation from the difference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a support worker's job is to be a favourite of the clients. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that as long as the job of caring, being considerate, conversing with client, tending to their needs and assisting/supporting them where near necessary then that is a job well done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to do more than what needs to be done.

When and as I see myself being jealous about the rapport that my colleagues have with clients - I stop and I breathe - I realise that the difference that we support workers provide is beneficial for the clients because it helps with variety and stimulation.

When and as I see myself making my job about competition - I stop and I breathe - i realise that assisting/supporting someone to live a fulfilling life a duel effort by all support workers working with that individual client. Therefore, no compeition can exist when assisting/supporting someone to live a fulfilling life as we all need each other to converse, provide feedback and create a great rapport.

DAY 11: My Reactions To People Being Ungrateful

DAY 11: My Reactions To People Being Ungrateful

Christmas is the time where people start to buy everyone a gift. I've met support workers who like to give gifts to their clients for Christmas. It is a breach of the boundaries when we buy gifts for our clients. But, in saying that, these are people who we start to work with for years, get to know, assist/support when they're most vulnerable, put up with, know the ins and outs of their behaviours, know the triggers points and with a caring nature.. support workers are likely to give their clients a gift on Christmas. Adding to that, some people that support workers are to assist/support don't have any friends or family so they don't receive a gift from others. I spoke to my Coordinator about this very act and it seems that sometimes it's ok just not if it is all the time. So, I took it upon myself to buy my clients presents.

I bought a present that I thought would be best for my clients. Support workers work with the clients all of the time in a role of support workers so we gain more knowledge/information about what they like and what they don't like. I knew the perfect gift for one of my clients. I was excited to buy this gift for them. But, what I didn't take into consideration is jealousy of other clients I've worked with. I wasn't going to buy presents for those who are not my regular clients. So there was jealousy between two clients. I decided that I'd have to buy presents for both of them to keep the peace. One of them didn't like the present and showed that they dislike the presents. This person was unhappy, was very ungrateful about the presents, etc. When I had saw this behaviour, I did have a reaction in my solar plexus. The reactions were feeling like I didn't do a good job, feeling like I wasn't good enough, anger that this person would voice these words, slight shock and then a little sad for my other client for having this person in their lives and what they have to go through. None of my internal reactions reach the surface. I good at maintaining my posture, my body language, etc. This is just what goes on inside/internally as a reaction to my world/reality. I did learn a lot from this experience and I do realise that every challenge that comes my way, such as this, is a great opportunity to really test myself..... What will I do next, what will happen and in this situation physically what has to be done is managing to keep oneself from being brought down or argue with the person. Just swipe it away as it does not reveal who we are as a person it shows everyone who they're as a person and what lurks inside of them. But to also look at the entirety of why someone is like that to be able to understand why they're like that and as a support worker, ''what can I do to assist/support them to better their lives''.  I realise that all situations that present themselves in my world/reality are a way to test if I am going to handle the situation in the best interest of all or not.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt by a client displaying ungratefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I haven't done a good job with selecting present because of someone else's decision to behaviour in ungrateful ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame me for someone else's choice to react the way they did about receive a gift that they did not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad about what my regular client has to put up with

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that every challenging situation is a way to test if I will do what is best for all or not.


When and as I see myself feeling hurt, angered, or unhappy about the way someone reacts to a gift I've given them - I stop and I breathe - I realise that a person who chooses to through a tantrum about a gift that I've given them has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them, I just have to maintain doing what is best for all in those moments to ensure further damage is not done to myself or others.

DAY 10: Less Work, More Time For Goals

DAY 10: Less Work, More Time For Goals

I've worked non-stop since I started working as a support worker. It is one of those jobs that require people for any type of hours if they needed to be filled. The problem with my job at the moment is that I work very long hours. I finish a 7 am - 7 am shift, cross over to a shift at  8 am - 10 am, I have a 2 hour break then start a new shift at 12 p.m. - 5 p.m. or I finish a 7 am - 7 am and cross over to a  8 a.m - 7 p.m. shift. These hours that I work take away my social time, my time that I should be focusing on goals, my relationships are affected, I don't get to do the things I like to do and the money for the work & the extra stuff I do on shift doesn't seem to be covering or adding up to what I know my work and assistance/support should be priced. I do know at the end of the day I am assisting/supporting someone, but it is at the expense of assisting/supporting myself. This is a very unhealthy way to live life. I've considered cutting down to less hours, but what stops me is the nature that this company is built on and fears of losing my job.  The people that run the show are spiteful and can be nasty. I've heard lots of stories about the company and do not want some experiences to happen to me. For example, asking for less hours then being taken down to one shift a week even if I have asked for 3. But, if that were to happen I'll just have to start rearranging my life. What is cool is that in challenging times we can change, redirect, move ourselves, investigate, come up with plans and find other opportunities that we can create for ourselves. In the challenging times {that I've had a lot} I find that I will always find a way, a new way, get back up, do what I need to do and continue to create a life that I want... where I am comfortable. Sometimes we will come to realise that some directions are not beneficial for us and we will have to go down a different one. It's all part of life. But if we fear stepping out, going a different direction, fear of instability, fear of the unknown, fear of what may come up as reactions, fear of failure, fear of mistakes, fear, fear, fear... if we fear not going a different direction, trying it out, spending the money needed.. then how are we suppose to reach that position we want for ourselves. It's not going to come if we don't make changes, if we don't step out, if we don't go a different direction. It's necessary at times to do that which puts us deeply out of our comfortzones to get to where we want to go in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving my job to start my business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving the community care industry to focus on what I'd like to give to the world and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking for fewer hours so that I can focus on my social life, goals, things that I like to do and slow but surely, leave the industry.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting up a business that may not succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not succeeding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that challenging times can bring the best out of ourselves.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that putting the work into a business, the willingness to create it, the time spent in it, the progression and development will determine the success of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work extremely long hours where I do not have time for anything else but work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that it is unhealthy to work extremely long hours

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can down my hours to be able to have a healthy balance of work and personal life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the nature that this company is built on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experiences that I"ve hear from colleagues happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure from the businesses that I create for me and other people.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I only have one life and I can either spend it working for another person for money that I do not see assists/supports me or compliments the extras that I do in my job or I can create what I can mold, adapt, perfect and give to others.

I commit myself to ask for less hours

I commit myself to cut down the hours I work.

I commit myself to start investing time into my business regardless of if I do not earn money when I start up.

I commit myself to jump into these areas and test myself to see how I go

I commit myself to create a balance of work and personal life.

DAY 9: It Requires Discipline and Consistency

DAY 9: It Requires Discipline and Consistency

I am coming into my fifth month of working as a support worker for people with a disability and mental health condition. In my 5 months, I've learned how challenging this industry is. I was thrown into the deep end when I first entered this line of work. I studied for 5 months and none of the textbooks I read prepared me for the real world. What I have learned in this line of work I probably would not learn anywhere else. I've enjoyed the challenges that I have faced. Some of these challenges have been confronting and have lifted the rug right from under my feet, lol. But in saying that, I've had good times in my job too. I seem to emphasise on the bads because the bad experiences tend to stand out the most. Those experiences have sent shockwaves, but I do understand that it is the way I react to them. Not that I am blaming myself here, but I can tell at times that if I am non-reactive, skilled in the areas I need to be, then this job isn't so bad. The bads are no longer the bads if I know how to direct the situations and what comes up within me as the reactions I have to the problem, event/situations. It makes life as a support worker easier if one is non-reactive, levels up in particular skills and remains on the toes. Because the clients will keep a support worker on their toes no matter what. I've learned to not let my guard down in this line of work. Some clients I am able to let my guards down slightly, but not all the way. In this line of work, it is best to trust one's own 'knowing of how to work with clients' and have fun along the way. It say this work is unlike any other. It's a world of its own like all others. In this job you put your entire self into it because of the amount of skills it requires and the focus it requires. A support worker has to clean, cook, observe, recognise, monitor the client for medical professionals, watch to see if clients go to the toilet {depending on condition of client}, has to know how to block punches, know the clients movements {depending on the client} and much, much more. A support worker's job is a serious one and a fun one at the same time. The challenges make it fun.. it's just all about the skills and the way one works with the clients. It's a bit like a chess game at times. It's very mental in the stages of building a good rapport, a game of 'how to keep yourself safe, but how to assert yourself, it's a very interest job and it isn't for the faint-hearted. It is definitely for those who want a challenge.

This job has helped me identify points about me that needs changing. Although I enjoy the challenge, I do find myself reacting to each challenge that comes up in my job. I do breathe away the reactions and place some forgiveness, but I am still not as disciplined or good with the tools as I'd like to be. I am learning as I go in life and it does take a great deal of persistence and consistency with the breath and letting go. One that I would need to master to be the best I can be.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be not be disciplined with the tools when I am working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I can be/become disciplined with the tools.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack confidence in me being/becoming disciplined with the desteni tools each time that I fall and forget to apply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very hard on myself for forgetting and falling

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I would not fall or forget if I were to consistently apply the tools real time.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the importance of the desteni tools.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming more disciplined and consistent with tools

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weird if I choose to be disciplined and consistent with the tools and using my structure for assistance/support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not used the tools effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the tools do come first in my life because they assist/support me in every way.


I commit myself to be/become more disciplined and consistent with Desteni tools.

I commit myself to use the tools at work.

I commit myself to use my structure to help me to be disciplined and consistent.